Mom Of The Year FORGOT to attend a school function on Friday for Grace.  Every year, her elementary school has an All School Picnic where parents can come for lunch and hang out on the lawn with their kids.  I've managed to make every one of them since 2006 but this year was different.  I just plain forgot.  I even had it scheduled in my Blackberry to remind me but the damn device must also feel like it's on overload because it locked up prior to noon and rebooted itself long after the event was over, when the buzzer for "All School Picnic" rang out loud and clear.  My heart sank picturing Grace at school sobbing because neither parent showed up when we made it clear one of us would be there.  Turns out, she was tear-less (until she saw me after school, of course), happy, and running around with friends.  Oh, and sometime before the end of the one-hour picnic, she had enough time to make a Christmas card that said, "You Ditched Me."  I couldn't have written it better myself.  All I could say was, "I'm so sorry.  I screwed up."  I, of course, felt horrible that I unintentionally ditched my third grader but I have to say, it did make me think about this overload mode I'm spending more and more time in.

As you know from a previous post, I'm homeschooling my 7th grader until the end of this school year due to unforeseen circumstances.  In all honesty, it's something I NEVER saw myself doing but it's going pretty well so far and knowing that we both understand it's just until the end of May, we make it work.  Then in between all of that, I'm managing all aspects of Mod Mom Furniture which includes marketing, invoicing, order intake, operations, growth, international distribution, taxes, some finishing of toy boxes, and all the media stuff.  Holy cow, keeping up social media alone is a full-time job.   And now you see why even my Blackberry said, "screw it - it's too much."

Every year since 2007, I work my tail off through Christmas, barely taking a day off even though the kids are off school. I'm not saying this to sound all "higher than thou."  It's just a fact that if you run your own business, you have to do it all. And last year,  I had to do all of the production as well.  This year will be different.  I'm learning that I can't control the economy or how quickly Mod Mom Furniture grows in light of the economy so I'm giving up control.  Letting the universe take over in that department.  And I'm letting go of the pressure to make all the right moves.  Clearly, I'm messing up left and right anyhow (i.e., you ditched me) so I'm embracing that and learning from it.

The State of Overload is a crappy place to live. I'm vowing that as soon as my kids are officially off school, so am I.  I've never done that in all my years of working. I'm going to service the immediate needs of my company but first and foremost, I'm going to do fun stuff with my family, bake cookies, watch movies, spend time with friends, and in general, just let it all go. I'm ditching the little voice that says, "But you have to keep going to get ahead or everything will fall apart. People are counting on you."

This morning, as Grace was walking out the door to school with Scott, she called out to me "Don't forget this (pointing to herself) today after school." "I won't, hon," I shot back. Partially because I'm moving out of overload and partially because I've set three very loud alarms to remind me to pick her up at 2:55pm. 
The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.
~ Elbert Hubbard


Anonymous said...

Sending calm, balanced vibes your way. Don't be too hard on yourself. Shit happens, as they say.

Akum said...

You had a bad day...

Anonymous said...

It must be this time of year, Kiersten. I feel totally overloaded, too. Unlike you, I have the luxury to take a couple of days of down time to recoup! Hang in there...and remember to breathe!

david_4325@msn.com said...

Sad story. I hope my site that has jokes can cheer you up.