You know that feeling where you start thinking about loads of stuff you have to do and somewhere inside, your emotions form a ball that starts rolling and picking up speed and eventually you know that ball is going to crash straight into your husband who didn't know you had this sphere of anxiety and can't figure out why you've suddenly turned bad on him? Maybe it's just me but that's how I feel sometimes when I know I'm faced with a to-do list that unfolds like a scroll. I started to get that feeling last night because we're back in town now after being away for a week and a half. Last night I did something I've never done before whilst in the middle of a complete high-speed downhill run. I stopped it. Not sure how I did it but I suspect is has something to do with pulling that lovely little red emergency bar called perspective.
On our trip, we visited my grandmother, Theda, who is battling lymphoma. To see her struggle to breathe was agony. She's never been sick; never even had a hospital stay. What I saw in her eyes was a mix of suffering and determination. She said she's really just taking everything one day at a time and for a woman who's always planned, plotted, volunteered, and worn out her walking shoes on a daily basis, that in itself is a very big deal. After we had already left, she underwent another procedure which cleared away a blockage so she's now able to move and breathe more freely without exhaustion. Every part of me is relieved to know she's able to now do, or partially do, the things she's loved doing and will have more time to do them before her next chemotherapy/radiation treatment. She'll have a little bit of that life back that she's had for all these years.
So today, I'm going to build some toy boxes, be with my family, and thank Grandma for stopping that damn ball.